"They Died."

There is a part in Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium where Mr. Magorium is talking to Molly about death. I used that excerpt at a friend’s funeral many years ago, which went something like this:

In Shakespeare’s ‘King Lear’ at the end of Act V, King Lear dies. Shakespeare, this brilliant author and composer of literature that changed the world as it stands today, who influenced so many parts of so many things, writes “He dies” on the page. That is all that he can come up with. There is no fanfare, or choice words, or incredible rhetoric that he writes. He simply writes, “He dies.” And you’re frustrated, because you expected something more than just “He dies” but you realize that you’re truly frustrated because the character that you have been bonding with and learning about in the pages before, is now gone. And all that is left is the memory that character. That is what is truly meant by “He dies.”

All that is left is memory. All that we are left with is the memory of a little one; a child that was greatly awaited. There was so much excitement and fanfare over our little jalapeno, gone in an instant.

Mandy and I decided that we were going to write our own story, our own thoughts on everything that has happened with us over the past few months and post it to our blog. I’m probably not going to get everything I’ve been thinking about in this, but I hope I hit on some of the really big things. I expect that many of you have already read Mandy’s post, and if not you should. It is great stuff and is eye opening to me on some of the things I didn’t deal with through this process. So here is my perspective. But I will warn you, it’s probably not for the faint of heart. I also realize in this process, that a few of you are going to get upset. Some of you didn’t know that we were pregnant, and that upsets you. Some of you didn’t know that we miscarried, and that upsets you. Some of you probably thought that we were closer, and something of this magnitude to find out about in a blog post upsets you. I’m sorry. I truly am. If I had the ability, strength, and gusto to call up each and every one of you I would, but this is hard. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in a long time, so please, cut us some slack. Also note that Jesus, God, etc. will be mentioned thoroughly throughout this post. I do not apologize.

As Mandy puts it, we “pulled the goalie” back in November, meaning that we stopped using all kinds of birth control. We didn’t realize that we would get pregnant so quickly. After having a conversation with some friends regarding how Mandy was feeling, she was encouraged to take a pregnancy test. Turns out, it was positive. Definitively. Mandy was floored, and I was too. Only about a week before she had taken another test because her cycle had not arrived, and the test said negative. Mandy called me at work that morning, told me she was pregnant, and started crying over the phone. I probably sounded cold and disengaged. There was a customer with another one of our employees and I was trying to maintain my professionalism. After I said, “I love you” all professionalism sort of went out the window. I hung up the phone and the customer said, “Do you tell everyone that calls in here that you love them?” A few minutes go by, the customer leaves, and I’ve sort of been staring blankly into space. David, one of my dearest friends, asks me if everything is OK. I look at him and tell him that I am going to be a dad. The news took off like wildfire around the store.

My favorite part of those first few weeks of being pregnant was slipping the announcement into general conversation. If you’ve ever had a conversation with me, you know my sarcasm and dry wit. One of my favorites was when one of my female co-workers mentioned that she was nauseous and wanted to throw up. I asked her if she was pregnant. When she said no, I said, “Well we are.” The reaction was priceless. “Wait, really? Are you serious? Is this another one of your lame jokes?” Yep. That’s the dialogue I’ve created with people.

Fast forward a little bit, and life is going good. I’m getting promoted at work, we are starting a life group, and of course we’re having a baby. Amazing things are happening. Life is going great. Yet, I’m frustrated. I can’t really put my finger on it. At first it starts out as just an emotional thing that weighs on me when I’m not preoccupied. Eventually, it starts to physically show, to the point where Mandy and I are getting into arguments about meaningless things. “I’m frustrated, and I’m frustrated that I’m frustrated,” I said to Mandy, because that makes sense. But, after some time passes, I finally put my finger on it. I’m frustrated because my relationship with my Heavenly Father is broken, and I’m receiving amazing blessings, but I’m acknowledging nothing. I didn’t feel guilty, or ashamed, or anything like that. I was frustrated because I had been wasting time on meaningless things while my life was blossoming around me.

There was still a problem though. I didn’t feel like getting any closer to God. I didn’t want to spend time or energy deepening that relationship. We had just gotten out of fourth quarter and the holiday season. I was tired. I didn’t feel like doing any of it. My attitude and ambivalence frustrated me even more. A few more weeks go by. Many of our friends and family know that we’re pregnant at this point, and all I can think about is my frustration. I’m not thinking about the exciting new life coming into our world. I’m not thinking about my promotion. All I can think about is my irritation. So, I decided that I need to make a change. I stopped praying frivolous prayers, and I got into the heart of the issue. I needed to get back in relationship with my Heavenly Father. So I asked Him, “Father, I do not take this request light-heartedly. I completely understand the weight of this, but I think that it is necessary. Please help me to get back to you. I don’t know what it is, but put something in my life that will draw me to cling to you. Yes, I realize what I am asking.”

That was a heavy prayer to pray and I don’t recommend doing that unless you absolutely mean it. I meant it. How many of you have asked for patience and got your patience tested more than you were hoping for. God doesn’t always just give what we ask for, and if that is how you think God should work, I’m going to be frank and tell you your vision of Him is that of a third grader. He is so much more than that. He is deeper than that. Also, don’t think that because I asked God for a life change that He decided to kill my child. Again, if you think that your vision of God is that of a third grader. I say that in love. What happened is that I asked God to shake some things up. Things were then shaken. The truth is that whether I prayed that prayer or not, who really knows what would have happened with our child. The exact same turnout probably would have happened, but in this scenario, my focus changed. My vision changed. My understanding changed.

We come back from Colorado after spending a few days telling friends and family that we are expecting. That was awesome and I wouldn’t trade those days for anything in the world. Such joy and excitement is hard to find amongst a world filled with tragedy and anguish. We head to the doctor for our first ultrasound and we don’t really see a whole lot. They are able to find the fetal sac, but that is really about it. No heartbeat. The measurements show that Mandy is only about six weeks pregnant, but based on conception and other “determining factors” we were expecting between seven and ten weeks. That discrepancy alarmed the doctors. They scheduled Mandy for more blood work to measure her hormone levels, and a follow up ultrasound.

It was at that point that I remember my prayer from a few weeks earlier and I started lifting this up to Him. It was out of my control. There was literally nothing I could do about it. All I could do was pray and be there for Mandy. A few days go by and Mandy’s hormone levels, which are supposed to be increasing, have become sporadic, both increasing and decreasing. Mandy was a wreck. When she heard that her levels had dropped, she came to the store in tears. We went over to a more secluded part of the store and I just held her for a few minutes while she wept. I felt defeated, but my reaction was the same. “The ultrasound would show any improvement. All I can do is pray. Just let us see a heartbeat.”

The ultrasound rolls around and both of us are quiet. We knew what was on the line here, and this was really the determining appointment. They pull up the screen and there it is, a little flashing/blinking light. It’s the heartbeat. It was amazing. It was relieving. But it was also slow. Instead of the 160 or 180 that is desired, it was averaging more around 100, and the measurements had not increased like they should have in a week. The doctors weren’t really sure what to tell us. They didn’t want to give us false hope, but it was good news. There was about a 50/50 chance at this point.

For Mandy, that was great news. For me, I took it the complete opposite. We had gone from a 0% chance to a 50% chance in one week, but after seeing how slow the heartbeat was, by spirit was crushed. All I could think was that there was only a 50% chance. The heartbeat was only 100. But my prayer of seeing the heartbeat was answered.

After the ultrasound, we went to see Mandy’s primary nurse, who started coaching us and providing supplies for a potential miscarriage. She let us know what to expect, how it was going to feel, options for collecting a specimen for testing, etc. It got very real, very fast. Mandy went home. I went to work, and all I could do was pray.

The next day, Mandy started bleeding. At that point, I had started to give up. My spirit was exhausted. I had spent more than the last week “praying without ceasing” and I was tired. I didn’t have anything left. The Bible speaks of the Holy Spirit praying for you in groans when you have no words. I had reached that point. The only prayer that I could muster was, “God, please keep Mandy safe. Please keep her safe. I know it is going to be painful and awful, but please keep her safe.”

Sunday morning rolls around. Miscarriage. Many people are getting out of church and preparing for the Super Bowl. Mandy was in the bathroom and I was preparing the last of my stuff before I went out of town for work training. When it was over, I went into the bathroom with Mandy to see the specimen she collected for genetic testing. I was floored. If you know much about Mandy, she is very type-A, OCD, clean-freak sort of person. There was a lot of blood. The toilet, the sink, the “hat” they had given Mandy to miscarry into. I’m not shy around blood, but this was different. This was heavy. 

A few hours passed and I had to get going for my trip. Mandy parent’s had been in town since Friday evening. Mandy and I decided that with them here, it was OK for me to go for training in my new position. She would be here when I got back.

Driving to Fort Worth was more difficult than I had anticipated. The five and a half hours just dragged by and there were several instances where I almost broke down in tears on the highway. Super safe state of mind to drive in. When I reached the hotel, I grabbed some food and watched the last half of the Super Bowl to take my mind off of everything. I then proceeded to do a little bit of work and watch Netflix. Midnight rolls around and I start to get tired, but I couldn’t sleep. It was at that point where it all finally hit me. I wept for about a half an hour, curled up with a couple of pillows and eventually passed out. I’ve only wept a few times in my life, and they’ve always been in seclusion. I don’t like to cry in front of people, including Mandy. That’s something that we’re still working on.

My best friend Justin ended up coming down from Oklahoma to have dinner with me. That was awesome. If there is one person that has been there for me in all of my struggles (as well as my praises), that is Justin. To have some time to decompress, let out some thoughts and feelings, and begin to sort through all of this was more than necessary. I’m thankful that even in the midst of me shutting down, Justin has known me long enough to know when to push a little harder. I thank you so much for that.

I drive back to Lubbock on Thursday, much more collected this time. I drop a few things off at work and then have three days off before I have to be back in the office. Mandy’s parents were still here, so we had some time together. They ended up leaving on Sunday, and then reality began to set in. Just over a week has gone by since Mandy and I have gotten back to our normal routine. 16 days since the miscarriage. I am now starting to deal with the grief.

The whole time I was in Fort Worth, I kept dealing with a heaviness and pressure in my chest. In the past I had attributed that to anxiety, but I wasn’t really feeling anxious. Being the fool that I am, I chalked it up to drinking too much caffeine and too much sodium from fast food. “Stress and grief over the loss of a child? No that could not possibly be why I feel this way.” I convinced myself that my chest pain was because of dehydration. I didn’t realize it until yesterday when I was lying in bed trying to figure out what was going on. That’s when it clicked and that’s when some more tears flowed. I have a problem with compartmentalization, which is a fancy word for burying stuff deep down until I don’t feel it anymore so that I can go about business as normal. That’s really unhealthy by the way. I don’t recommend it.

Over the past week, I started telling a few people that I work with that we lost the baby. It’s not the easiest thing to bring up in conversation. Hey, how was your trip to Fort Worth? Oh, you know, lost my child. I decided that I would only bring it up to people that asked how Mandy was doing, because otherwise it was too painful to tell them. All I could muster was, “we lost the baby on the first.” I had to leave it at that. After a bit of conversation, sometimes I would tell them about the testing we were hoping to do, but that was about it. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to think about it. If I talked about it and thought about it then I had to deal with it. I didn’t want to do that.

Mandy asked me last night how I’ve been doing with all of this. A few people have asked her and in retrospect, I haven’t really talked to her much about it.

The truth is that it comes in waves, but in general I’m not doing very well with it at all.

I’m not angry. I’m not bitter. I’m not frustrated or upset with God about any of this. But I’m sad. I’m really sad. I feel like a rock was shoved into my chest and I have to find a way to get it out without it causing any more damage. The fact is that I’m broken.

What I’ve realized through the beginning of this process called grief is that I didn’t want to deal with any of this because of how frustrated I get with other people. I’m not sure why, but a lot of people feel obligated to try and offer some sort of advice when they hear news like this. I think that the purpose is to try to console you, but for me I often find it unhelpful and upsetting. This is not every case. Generally the people that have experience this I find more consoling than the people that have not. The way that I wanted people to respond was, “I am so sorry. What can I do for you?” Or something to that extent. Instead, I got a lot of responses that were unhelpful, even if they were grounded in truth.

“Well, you’re young. There is plenty of time left for you to try again.” I am young, but that doesn’t help me with the fact that I just lost a child. We have to wait at least three to six months before trying again, and even if we get pregnant right away that is another nine months. That is over a year more of waiting. This isn’t American Ninja Warrior we’re talking about here. Just come back next year. Train harder. It doesn’t work like that.

“My sister/daughter/aunt/mother miscarried three times and then had four boys.” This one I’m a little less of a stickler on. But, the reality is that all I hear in this is that since we’ve already miscarried once, it is probably going to happen a few more times. I don’t know if I want to go through pain like this again and again. We’re also not planning on having four kids of our own.

“It’s God’s will.” I think what you meant in saying this is something like “God has a plan” which is totally different, and stems back to my prayer I discussed earlier. There is no way in hell that my Heavenly Father “willed” the death of an innocent child. Did He allow it to happen? Yes. Could He have stopped it? Yes. Should He have stopped it? Why are we even having this conversation? Ironically I am probably the one person affected by a miscarriage to not ask why of God. It’s just not a question for me, but I don’t appreciate this question because now I am trying to rationalize who I know my Heavenly Father to be and how He thinks/makes decisions.

“You were only a few weeks along in the first trimester. Most places do not define that as life, so that should make it easier.” Yes, someone did say that to me. No, I did not slap them. I saw a heartbeat and little did I know, but I created a very strong emotional bond with the little child. There was life. Your definition is repulsive and obscene.

I never thought that I would feel so strongly about something that I never physically touched. People talk about the family bonds all the time. It is strong with me and Mandy. We lost a child, and that is a hard reality to deal with. But, it is reality.

We weren’t able to get the sex of the baby. There wasn’t enough DNA in the genetic material to determine sex. That is hard, because we had names picked out. Mandy and I talked about what we wanted to do, and it seemed only fair to list both a boy and a girl name:

Annabeth Rose

Rhett Colton

It breaks my heart to think that I never got to hold you. I never got to console you. I never got to watch you sleep. I never got to dance with you. I never got to hold your hand. I never got watch you fall in love. I never go to hold your babies.

In only a few months so much of a bond had been created that it’s frustrating. Like in my excerpt with Shakespeare, we spent all of this time bonding with and learning about a baby, now gone. All that is left is the memory of this little one. And it’s unbelievably tough when you’re overcome with all of this emotion and you can only get out, “they died.” Now I understand why Shakespeare wrote it like he did. Sometimes that is all that you can muster.

Annabeth Rose or Rhett Colton?

It's been a very roller-coaster 7 weeks.

Some of you know what's been going on but not everyone and I need to get our story out there, even if it doesn't help someone else it will help me. So consider this me selfishly informing you about what's happened.

Christmas was great, Chris and I snuggled by a fire all day and opened our presents and played games in front of the fire and literally spent the whole day in front of the fire. It was relaxing and going into it I was a bit sad that it was going to be our first Christmas away from family. Then I thought about it more and remembered when we first got engaged and started planning family holiday's I really wanted a Christmas just the two of us so I really enjoyed it this year.

The Sunday after Christmas I had a very busy day planned and was crazy tired and had been told by a few people that I should take a pregnancy test so I did just to appease them. I found out I was pregnant and was completely shocked.

We're Pregnant! Already in love with our little one!

I was so excited and it explained why I was so tired and not feeling so well. Mornings were great but about three hours after I woke up I ended up feeling sick and eating didn't make it better so I spent a lot of time on the couch not doing much. I called the Dr. that next Monday and they scheduled me to come in on the 9th to do my blood and urine test.

8 Weeks - Baby is the size of a Blueberry

We went home on January 2 to spend time with our family, celebrate Christmas, and tell them that we were pregnant. We had a family photo shoot with Chris' family and got to break the news to them at the end. The photo's are super cute and it was so much fun breaking the news to them and getting it on camera. We got to tell my family with Christmas presents which wasn't as exciting because they all apparently expected it but it was still great to tell them.

So after we got home I had my first appointment with the nurse and that next Monday they called and said my progesterone levels were low so they just wanted to supplement until week 12 when the placenta is fully formed and the pregnancy can maintain itself. I got some free stuff which was exciting and my mama and I talked and I got What to Expect When You're Expecting on my Kindle. My clothes were really starting to feel snug at what was about 8 weeks along so I went and got a totally cute red and black maternity skirt. My first ultrasound was scheduled for January 22 and I was super excited for it and crazy anxious to finally see our baby. I'd been feeling like crap for a long time so I couldn't help but want to see the baby to give a vision and reason to all of that.

9 Weeks - Baby is the size of a Kidney Bean

10 Weeks - Baby is the size of a Blackberry

When we finally got to our ultrasound and I was so excited. They finally got a good picture of the sac and saw what looked like a fetal pole but the baby was only measuring 5 weeks 6 days, the doctors had me at about 10 weeks but I was expecting around 7 weeks. They were concerned about the discrepancy in dates so they ordered another round of blood work to check and make sure everything was progressing. The doctor didn't call me back the next day like they said they would so I went and picked up my results from the lab myself and while they had increased they hadn't increased as much as I thought they should have so I had a really bad feeling but couldn't get a hold of the doctor until Monday. Once I did they called me in for another round of blood work to check how things were going. The next day they called me and told me that my blood work decreased and it was supposed to be increasing. The nurse told me about the options that laid before us and said we'd wait until our ultrasound in two days to know more. I had a total mental breakdown.

Thursday our ultrasound came around and it felt so somber. We had so many people praying for us and while I was really sad I knew that we really had no control over what was going to happen. I had a vision earlier in the week that we'd see the same fetal pole but with a heartbeat this week so I had been praying for that. I got so excited when we saw the baby again, and they detected a heartbeat. They measured it and I'm pretty sure that they measured the baby growing only 2 days over the last week and they even got the doctor to come in. He agreed that it was indeed a heartbeat but it was weak at only 100 bpm. He looked at us and said, "We just don't know, you've got a 50/50 chance at this time. We have no idea." I started feeling better and was really happy that we got to see the heartbeat.

My parents were planning on coming in town Friday night trying to beat to winter storm that was rolling through and staying through the week because Chris had to travel for training for his new job at work. At noon on Friday I started bleeding and was so grateful that my parents were headed into town. After 47 horrible hours I finally miscarried. We sent off our baby for testing to find out if there were any chromosomal abnormalities and if not then we could at least find out the sex of the baby. Unfortunately the test came back with too little fetal DNA so they couldn't tell us anything, not even the gender of our baby. We had names picked out so that once we found out we could name our forever lost baby instead of just calling it our little jalapeno. I know years ago when women lost their baby they had no idea and if this were that day and age I'd be OK with it but knowing that we had a chance to find out and still weren't able to know just makes it all that much harder.

Instantly after miscarrying I felt a lot better, clearly I had some major healing to do physically but I felt better than I had in 48 hours. Now that we're two weeks out I'm amazed at how much better I feel. I feel like myself again, albeit a grief stricken version where I'm not sure if I'm going to be happy or sad, but I'm not exhausted anymore, I'm not sick all the time and I feel a little guilty for finally feeling better and feeling like my normal self again. But the truth is for those six weeks I knew I was pregnant I was the best mom I could be for our child, I prayed for our baby daily. I kept thinking nothing in life really is as important as growing a human being. It changed my perspective on life and any challenges we now face as a married couple. I really stopped worrying about the future and thought about how grateful I was to have a baby. Looking back I was so much sicker and way more exhausted than I even thought I was. 

We've been going through a grieving process. I know to some it might not seem like much but to us we lost our baby, our first child and that hurts. I support the cause "Now I lay me down to sleep" and I think they do amazing work but looking at those photos I couldn't help but be upset. They got to hold their baby, they got to get pictures with their baby. I never got that chance, we saw it twice on the monitor and that's it. We didn't get to bury our child and say goodbye to it. February 1, 2015 will forever be the day we lost our baby.

My mom bought us this ornament so we could forever remember our little angel

We always said we would tell our family and friends we were pregnant really soon into our pregnancy so that if anything went wrong or we miscarried we would have their love, support and most of all prayers. I'm so thankful that we had people holding our hands through the muck. This is so hard to go through and talking about it makes me feel better, most of the time but sometimes it just makes me sad. I'm not going to ask why because that's unfruitful. It's just part of our story now and I'm thankful for our friends and family who have prayed really hard for us over the past couple weeks and we'll gladly take prayer for healing over the next who knows how long.
We have to wait 3-6 months before we're allowed to try again which throws us into spanning medical years and it would have fulfilled our deductible and had a majority of the pregnancy covered thanks to our amazing health insurance but that's not the case now. A really hard part for me lately has been people telling me that one day they'll tell me their story of infertility but honestly I don't feel infertile and science doesn't tell me I'm infertile. We lost our baby and 20% of all pregnancies end like this so if you're in that same group as me know that I love you and understand the pain you're going through!

So Annabeth Rose or Rhett Colton, we'll never know but you'll always be our little Jalapeno and we will know that you were loved even for the short time you existed in our lives.

Awesome Sunglasses for a Cause

I love instagram. I didn't buy into it for a long time but now I love it! I've been finding local shops that I love and even shops from far away. It's been a great way for me to find causes to support and small businesses that I love supporting, especially since most of them are work from home moms!

I found this super awesome company Subsidy Shades that sell an amazing selection of sunglasses and all their proceeds go to support adoptions. You can read all about their story of going through now 2 adoptions, and if you know anything about adoptions they are not cheap.

Chris and I have a passion to adopt and a passion to support others who adopt. I know it can be a long and arduous process, especially if you go through the process of foster to adopt like we're planning on.

I got myself a pair of Crystal Audrey Shades, the black and white ones and started posting pictures on Instagram which of course I shared on facebook. 

My sister-in-law saw them and fell in love so she ordered a few pairs herself!

I think the purple ones are her favorite and I think they look great on her :-) I highly suggest you check them out and find a pair of sunglasses for yourself. They come in this super cute box with a soft sided case, and my pair had a super sweet note from them in it.

If you check out their instagram feed you see that they have some great styles for valentines day if you're still looking for a gift, they have shade for little kiddos and you can check out their hashtag #adoptionislove to see more pics of people wearing their shades, and more of their adoption story and others adoption stories.

I know you'll love them, their heart and passion, their desire to better the lives of other children, and their shades :-D

Us 2

The very first church that I ever got plugged into was Flatirons in Lafayette, CO, way back when it was on the south side of the road in a shopping mall between a bowling alley and a liquor store. They had this saying there, “Me Too.” It was a simple saying, only two words, but it meant a great deal more. It meant that no matter what you were going through, what you were dealing with, there was someone else that could raise their hand and say, “me too.” It helped you to realize that you weren’t alone in your struggles or your strengths. You weren’t alone in your frustrations or your praises.

I’m dealing with loss of work.

Me too.

I’m dealing with the loss of a loved one.

Me too.

I’m dealing with adultery in my marriage.

Me too.

I’m dealing with sexual purity.

Me too.

I’m dealing with cancer.

Me too.

I’m dealing with a lack of faith.

Me too.

Empathy is powerful.

I first started going to Flatirons when I was 18 and I did all that I could to get other people to come along with me. Part of it was simply because this church was like no other church I had ever been to. Part of it was because I did not want to go alone. But a large part of it was because of “me too.” I knew that other people were struggling, battling, and up against things and most of the time were doing it alone. Maybe it is a pride thing. People don’t really like to admit when they are having problems with something. Often times it is accompanied by guilt, shame, disappointment, and a myriad of other emotions that are easiest to avoid by not telling anyone what is really going on. Maybe if we don’t talk about it, it will go away and fix itself on its own. Yeah, that’ll work.

This has been a bit of a crazy end of the year for me and Mandy. After we finished our foster baby-sitting training, we took a bit of a hiatus, not necessarily intentional, but it occurred nonetheless. During that time, I was starting to get frustrated because back in September we had taken the classes to become members at our church. With the classes, you took a few assessments to figure out where in the church you would best be able to serve. We were told that after the class, the information would be given to the church leaders and we would get contacted. Several weeks had gone by, and we had not heard anything.

That was a bit discouraging. I really wanted to get plugged in, whether it was worship, or prayer team, or whatever. I just wanted to do something again. I haven’t been involved with a ministry since we lived in Colorado. I needed to do something. What I would later discover through this time of waiting (and I learned this from some of my retail experience), is that sometimes you do not hear anything, or you do not get for sure answers of what you will be doing because your higher-ups really have no idea what to do with you. Not in a discouraging way, but you have so much to offer to the team, finding a place to put you where you will provide the most service is difficult.

We were suddenly approached by leaders from our church, asking if we’d be willing to take a few different roles. It started with auditioning for the Christmas Eve service skits (which Mandy will be part of this holiday season). It then led to asking if we’d want to host our own lifegroup starting this next year. That led into a potential “video testimony” once the New Year rolls around. That’s a lot of stuff for two little people in this big ‘ole city.

When it came to hosting our own lifegroup, there wasn’t really a hesitation for me. I had been part of many different groups before. I knew what I liked and have thought quite a bit about what I would want my own group to look like. Between our current lifegroup and a men’s group I was part of in Colorado, we’ve got a good basis for things to talk about and the best ways to host the group. But, there are some setbacks.

One of the biggest setbacks is our apartment. It’s small, a bit close-quartered (though not as much as our last apartment). Still, it’s not ideal for having a lot of people in, as we learned at Mandy’s graduation. It’ll work, but no one is really excited about it.

The other biggest setback is my schedule. Working at Cabela’s full-time requires an open availability schedule. That makes things difficult to plan for stuff. When I worked at Sprouts, as long as you had the ability to work 40 hours in a week, there wasn’t really a problem with you requesting certain times off every week. I understand why they do it, but 100% open availability, 365 days of the year is…well, difficult.

So, over the last few weeks, we’ve been talking with the church staff, other people that we find their opinion valuable on these types of things, and (maybe obviously) each other. We’ve been going at it slow, waiting to get the right feeling, or hear the right thing, or wait for the right moment. Now that I’ve said that out loud, that is definitely NOT how we should approach things that are good for us or good for others. We should be running and jumping head first.

Yesterday, we got an email from the church that “today is the deadline to get your blurb in the upcoming group calendar. When are you scheduling your meeting times and what do you want people to know about you.” Well, that made it kind of official.

2^nd and 4^th Tuesdays of each month starting the week of January 18^th at 7pm. Each of those weeks will be the meeting of a young married lifegroup called “Us 2.” Yes, it is a play on the “Me Too” idea from Flatirons. Ever since we have been married, Mandy and I have always been proponents of getting connected with people that are in the same stage of life as you, as well as people that have already been through it. Finding the latter can often be difficult. We want people to know that in our five years of marriage, we have experienced a few things. I’m not trying to make light of anyone else’s situation, or to make ourselves sound boastful, but you’re not alone. There are other people that have been through it, and other people that are going through it. If we don’t talk about it, if we don’t address it, if we don’t face it head on how can we ever expect change?

So that’s exciting. We’re going to be hosting our very own group. That’s a new one for the Pepper-Yowell household.

FYI, there will be some future posts on foster/adoption stuff. It was just going to be too much to add to this particular post.

365 Days of Thankfulness

There have been a lot of things that have come and gone in a year’s time, including people following me on social media. For the last year, I’ve been posting something that I am thankful for each day. The idea was spurred one weekend at church right after Thanksgiving. During the sermon, this idea of being thankful and having a thankful heart all the time, 365 days out of the year was brought up. Why do we spend only a few days being thankful? Why is it so popular to only post during the month of November about what you are thankful for? Also, how is it possible that some of those people that have accepted the “November Thanksgiving Challenge” give up because they cannot think of anything or run out of ideas?

So, that was the simple goal, 365 days of thankfulness. Below are 350+ days to this point. FYI, I am posting this blog now (and will be making edits to it) because I want to be sure I hit day 365 on December 4^th like I am supposed to. As you read through these, I really hope that you share some of your insights and thoughts about it all. Here are some of my insights that I seem to post on most while making this list:

• ·         Weather – Whether walking out to my car or in/out of work, raising my head and looking up into the sky always brings things to a deeper level.
• ·         Food – There is actually a sixth love language, and it is called food.
• ·         Mandy – This one is pretty obvious. I’m really thankful for her every day, but she takes care of me quite a bit!
• ·         Kenny and Sydni – With all of the time we spend with them, it just makes sense.
• ·         Matt, Jennifer, LG – What a blessing these two have been in our lives.
• ·         Work Ethic – Something I pride myself on.
• ·         David Hudson – I didn’t know him a year ago, but this man has become a close friend.
• ·         Kleenex, apparently – I didn’t realize how important Kleenex were in my life.
• ·         Justin Schielke – Best friend, duh.

I also noticed that I would be thankful for certain things and then many, many days later I would be thankful for something similar. 

Anyways, here they are!

Day 1 – (December 5) I am thankful for cold weather. Cloudy weather has always been my favorite. I pray for everyone's safety today and I am thankful for the reminder of the holiday season.

Day 2 – (December 6) I am thankful for lines. Standing in line and waiting is not exactly exhilarating, but it reminds me that I have two working legs and I am in general good health. It also gives me a chance to observe people see how they function, and pray over the ones that get exponentially frustrated and irritated. I'm probably the only one with a smile on my face.

Day 3 – (December 7) I am thankful for Christmas cards. I love sending them and receiving them. It reminds me of winter, love of friends and family, and general peace on earth.

Day 4 – (December 8) I am thankful for my lunch break at work. Seriously I don't know how I ever worked without you.

Day 5 – (December 9) crock pots. They make dinner so much easier!

Day 6 – (December 10) Thankful for Catch Phrase. Always a source of entertainment.

Day 7 – (December 11) Thankful for Blush wine. Enough said.

Day 8 – (December 12) I am thankful for my uncanny ability to make people smile.

Day 9 – (December 13) I am thankful for my work ethic and attitude. 30 days of working at Sprouts 

and I've been promoted! Now a new Head Cashier! #blessed

Day 10 – (December 14) Thankful for Chicken Noodle Soup...and lots of it!

Day 11 – (December 15) Thankful for our Kitchen Aid mixer. I/we've used it quite a bit lately! Ice cream, bread, cookies, shredded chicken...

Day 12 - (December 16) Thankful for an incredibly smart wife! She passed her qualifying exams. We have a future Dr. Pepper in the midst.

Day 13 – (December 17) Thankful for coffee, not because of the caffeine, but because of how delicious it tastes (of course this is more candy than coffee right now)

Day 14 – (December 18) Krispy Kreme doughnuts hot off the baking line.

Day 15 – (December 19) I am thankful for finding a great deal that you didn't even know about until the price rang up. Saved 30% today!

Day 16 – (December 20) Supposed to be between the 30s and 40s at work tonight. Naturally this is the one night where they needed me to work carry-out/carts/bagging! Today I am thankful for a coat. I realize that is something very simple that many do not have.

Day 17 – (December 21) Thankful for a "homemade" hamburger after work.

Day 18 – (December 22) Thankful for my tattoos. My heart with 1 Peter 3:7 spurred a conversation with a customer today. He and his wife reach one year next week. He asked me for my best marriage advice. I told him to be selfless. Focus on the other person and not yourself. That will get you a long way.

Day 19 – (December 23) Thankful for one of my coworkers. She has down syndrome and reminds me a lot of my brother, loves all and is friends with everyone. We get along really well! She gave me a Christmas gift of homemade spiced tea mix. Really touched my heart. Honestly, almost brought me to tears!

Day 20 – (December 24) Thankful for a good, safe trip to Colorado. Part Two! Thankful for the tradition of PJ pants from Jodi Gawf. I have cats and Mandy has cows!

Day 21 – (December 25) Thankful for Jesus Christ!

Day 22 – (December 26) Food bank donations at work. Grab and give bags from generous customers. This is only a fraction of the ones donated.

Day 23 – (December 27) Thankful for a fun day of shooting!

Day 24 – (December 28) Reminiscing the ole days at Nicholas Pepper bachelor party.

Day 25 – (December 29) Thankful for a great Broncos football team!

Day 26 - (December 30) Raider! Power!

Day 27 – (December 31) Thankful for a mom who cooks us dinner while we get ready for a NYE party.

Day 28 – (January 1) Thankful for dinner with friends and hilarious conversation.

Day 29 – (January 2) Thankful for funny looking relatives like Uncle Petey.

Day 30 – (January 3) Thankful that I know how to change a diaper.

Day 31 – (January 4) Thankful for weddings and dancing!

Day 32 – (January 5) Thankful for my wife's expertise in Tetris.

Day 33 – (January 6) Thankful for Dave Ramsey/FPU audio discs. Makes a long drive after a tiring week go by much faster.

Day 34 – (January 7) Thankful for remembering how to do stuff when coming back to work.

Day 35 – (January 8) Thankful for Kleenex ‪#‎allergies

Day 36 – (January 9) Thankful for feeling better when sick drugs.

Day 37 – (January 10) Thankful for my job.

Day 38 – (January 11) Thankful for epic (epyck) Braveheart quotes.

Day 39 – (January 12) Thankful for James 1:12. Definitely needed to read that one.

Day 40 – (January 13) After a bit of a frustrating day (no particular reason) I am thankful to have two days off from work, including our anniversary.

Day 41 – (January 14) Thankful for a lazy (ish) day.

Day 42 – (January 15) Thankful for four years of marriage! ‪#‎fruitandflowers ‪#‎itsanappletree ‪#‎thosearetulips

Day 43 – (January 16) Thankful to have two working cars again. The Nissan is back from the paint shop. The Escort has a new battery and new transmission speed sensor. Also thankful for the professional, courteous, knowledgeable, and upstanding people at Christian Brothers Automotive.

Day 44 – (January 17) Thankful for payday and food money.

Day 45 – (January 18) Thankful for blessings.

Day 46 – (January 19) Thankful for the BRONCOS!!!!!!!!!

Day 47 – (January 20) Thankful to not work the closing shift tonight.

Day 48 – (January 21) Thankful for Froyo

Day 49 – (January 22) Thankful for upcoming babies (not ours)

Day 50 – (January 23) Thankful that playing with Bandit (our shy and timid cat) will perk up any day!

Day 51 – (January 24) Thankful for budgets

Day 52 – (January 25) Thankful for old Disney movies on Netflix.

Day 53 – (January 26) Thankful for "our white flag, we surrender"

Day 54 – (January 27) My joints hurt and I've had some back spasms today, but I'm thankful to still be moving, able to stand, and able to do my job.

Day 55 – (January 28) Thankful for a wife who cooks dinner when I can't, so I have something to eat after work.

Day 56 – (January 29) Thankful for starting a new Bible study

Day 57 – (January 30) Thankful that "The Son of God reveals Himself in me, and out of devotion to Him, service becomes my everyday way of life" - Oswald Chambers

Day 58 – (January 31) Thankful to dig my cold feet under a cat curled up in my foot space of the bed.

Day 59 – (February 1) Thankful for grocery shopping with my wife.

Day 60 – (February 2) Thankful for the Super Bowl! It's been sixteen years Broncos! #WreckemBroncs

Day 61 – (February 3) Still thankful for the Broncos, Peyton Manning, and all of the hard-working players!

Day 62 – (February 4) Thankful for delicious cookies with chocolate on the inside!

Day 63 – (February 5) Thankful for a new perspective on Abraham Lincoln.

Day 64 – (February 6) Thankful for letter writing. Thankful for Jay Leno!

Day 65 – (February 7) Thankful for people willing to stay late.

Day 66 – (February 8) Thankful for nice West Texas days.

Day 67 – (February 9) Thankful for the Harris family. They lost Phil Harris four years ago. What a great man and legacy. It was an honor to meet him.

Day 68 – (February 10) Thankful for Tabasco hot sauce on a scrambled egg.

Day 69 – (February 11) Thankful that my tablet came early! Yay airline miles!

Day 70 – (February 12) "The reason some of us are such poor examples of Christianity is that we have failed to recognize that Christ is almighty. We have Christian attributes and experiences, but there is no abandonment or surrender to Jesus Christ. When we get into difficult circumstances, we impoverish His ministry by saying, “Of course, He can’t do anything about this.” We struggle to reach the bottom of our own well, trying to get water for ourselves." Thankful for John 4:11

Day 71 – (February 13) Thankful that I got a free lunch coupon from a customer!

Day 72 – (February 14) Thankful for Valentine's Day. Nothing says I love you like your wife bringing you coffee at work!

Day 73 – (February 15) Thankful for a day off to clean the house and celebrate Valentine's Day. We did our traditional heart shaped pizza and wine, then played our ironic tradition of a couple spite and malice games.

Day 74 – (February 16) Thankful for amazing hand scrub made by Brittany Yowell. This stuff is seriously awesome.

Day 75 – (February 17) Thankful to share some financial wisdom with a good work friend.

Day 76 – (February 18) Thankful for honest testimony and heartfelt encouragement.

Day 77 – (February 19) Thankful for delicious Digorno pizza.

Day 78 – (February 20) Thankful for running shoes!

Day 79 – (February 22) Thankful for the Kindle app on my tablet

Day 80 – (February 23) Thankful for a full tummy.

Day 81 – (February 24) Thankful for cupcakes.

Day 82 – (February 25) Thankful for a Gameboy Emulator on my tablet. Pokemon here I am.

Day 83 – (February 26) Thankful for not having a closing shift!

Day 84 – (February 27) Thankful for a tiny sprout of Basil in our indoor herb garden. Go little sprout 

go!

Day 85 – (February 28) Thankful for getting some grocery shopping done.

Day 86 – (March 1) Thankful for my integrity. Had two different instances of people paying for things I consider "luxury" food items, wearing very nice clothes, holding a Coach purse and a key to their Lexus, proceeding to pay with food stamps.

Day 87 (March 2) - I can't explain how thankful I am that someone taught me the meaning of a hard day's work, the importance of keeping your word, and "lazy" is a four letter word. Thankful for you Papa and I miss you all the time.

Day 88 (March 3) - Thankful for opportunity.

Day 89 – (March 4) Thankful for free Chipotle!

Day 90 – (March 5) Thankful for a wife who brings me food after work/before life group so I will not be hangry.

Day 91 – (March 6) Thankful for time to make some homemade soft pretzels. Pictures to follow soon.

Day 92 – (March 7) Thankful for Red Dirt (and if you don't know what that is, you don't know Texas)

Day 93 – (March 8) Thankful for spending the day with my wife!

Day 94 – (March 9) Thankful for church.

Day 95 – (March 10) Thankful for random flashbacks. I was looking at tonight's meal plan of Chicken and Asparagus and thought of the "Asparagus/Asparaguy" song from Alf. That led me to watching this video, which is one of my brother's all-time favorites. He will literally pass out from laughing so hard.

Day 96 – (March 11) Thankful for delicious wine!

Day 97 – (March 12) Thankful for a beautiful West Texas day.

Day 98 – (March 13) Thankful for Mandy picking up some Breckenridge Vanilla Porter. I've been needing a good beer!

Day 99 – (March 14) Thankful for being chosen as Sprouts Lubbock Employee of the Month!

Day 100 – (March 15) Thankful for being handy. I forget that I have knowledge and skills sometimes.

Day 101 – (March 16) Thankful for the many uses of paint stir sticks, for instance as a scoop for mashed potatoes.

Day 102 – (March 17) Thankful for a gentleman who came in to work tonight. He's an older gentleman who is in a lot and loves to ask about me, how I'm doing, etc. Tonight he said that he felt like he needed to pray for me. He said a quick prayer right there in the check stand. That was really cool and very moving.

Day 103 – (March 18) Thankful for "Redemption" by August Burns Red. My favorite part about this band is how their lyrics cut right to the bone. The depth of their words seems endless. "I trust in your for life to live, and air to breath."

Day 104 – (March 19) Thankful for a comfortable pair of jeans.

Day 105 – (March 20) Thankful for our stand up freezer and learning to can

Day 106 - (March 21) Thankful for preparation, whether it be 120 seconds or 120 years.

Day 107 - (March 22) Thankful for things that stir up emotion, imagination, and eloquent response.

Day 108 - (March 23) Thankful for fur children.

Day 109 – (March 24) Thankful for work shirts with other people's names on them. "Hi Dave, how are you? Actually it's Chris. This is someone else's shirt" ‪#‎redneck

Day 110 - (March 25) Thankful for Umcka

Day 111 - (March 26) Thankful for sinus rinses and Kleenex.

Day 112 - (March 27) Thankful for delicious sweet mint tea provided by my wife.

Day 113 - (March 28) Thankful for an end in sight with laundry.

Day 114 - (March 29) Thankful that now I can read comic books on Kindle!

Day 115 – (March 30) After listening to a speak negatively about his wife and ex-wives, I'm thankful that to the best of my ability, I respect my wife, uplift her over myself, speak highly of her, and VALUE the marriage to a woman that I chose.

Day 116 – (March 31) Thankful for sleep.

Day 117 – (April 1) Thankful for the start of April!

Day 118 – (April 2) Thankful for delicious pulled pork!

Day 119 -  (April 3) Thankful for Easter candy and chocolate on the rise!

Day 120 – (April 4) Thankful for catching up on TV shows like Castle. Cannot wait until The Blacklist is back on!

Day 121 – (April 5) Thankful for wine tastings.

Day 122 – (April 6) Thankful for a strong back. I've discovered that I'm stronger than most people (including myself) think. I realized that working bulk yesterday.

Day 123 – (April 7) Thankful for caffeine on early mornings.

Day 124 – (April 8) Thankful for a working water machine to fill up our drinking water.

Day 125 – (April 9) Thankful for thermals to wear under my work shirts.

Day 126 – (April 10) Thankful for sunlight.

Day 127 - (April 11) Thankful for the blood of the Lamb.

Day 128 - (April 12) Thankful that we have two cars.

Day 129 - (April 13) Thankful for birthday celebrations

Day 130 - (April 14) Thankful for getting to work a little early so that I had some time to read in the 

word.

Day 131 - (April 15) Thankful for Mandy's new adventure

Day 132 - (April 16) Thankful that sometimes my insomnia comes in handy.

Day 133 - (April 17) Thankful that after a year of slowly upping my lactose intake because of my lactose intolerance, I can drink half a glass of milk! I will always have done form of intolerance, but what an improvement.

Day 134 - (April 18) Thankful for wood stain.

Day 135 - (April 19) Thankful for an awesome Easter service and RAIN!

Day 136 - (April 20) Thankful for Easter!

Day 137 - (April 21) Thankful for knowledge.

Day 138 - (April 22) Thankful for my minor skills in creative design.

Day 139 – (April 24) Thankful for Autism Awareness at Sprouts. Round up your purchase to the nearest dollar and the proceeds go to benefit locally. It's awesome to share about my older brother at work!

Day 140 – (April 25) Thankful for my time at Sprouts Farmer's Market. For those of you that do not yet know, I accepted an awesome position with Cabela's. They are opening a new store here in Lubbock. Two weeks from today I will move from a grocery store to an outdoor store!

Day 141 - (April 26) Thankful for sharing life experiences.

Day 142 - (April 27) Thankful for cool cars. Parked next to a Mercedes SL 550 Roadster at church this morning. 400 something horsepower. 0 to 60 in 4 something seconds with a 4.6 Liter Bi-Turbo V-8 and 7 speed transmission. Great curves and all leather interior. What a car!

Day 143 - (April 28) Thankful for beginning to learn better business practices.

Day 144 - (April 29) Thankful for hockey!

Day 145 - (April 30) Thankful for Top Gear.

Day 146 – (May 1) Thankful that Mandy Pepper-Yowell is finally home!

Day 147 - (May 2) Thankful that my mother had enough in her to push out a baby 25 years ago!

Day 148 – (May 3) Thankful for awesome music and a great date night with the wife!

Day 149 - (May 4) Thankful for baby showers

Day 150 (May 5) - Thankful for Cinco de Mayo with great friends and awesome conversation

Day 151 – (May 6) Thankful for finally getting the kitchen to a relatively clean state.

Day 152 – (May 7) Thankful for shuffleboard.

Day 153 – (May 8) "It's only through new adventures that you find your interests, passions, and strengths. It may also be where you find your pains, weaknesses, and failures. But if you don't take a new adventure once in a while you'll hardly learn something new, meet someone different, or experience much risk. Take the new adventures." So thankful for my last day at Sprouts and the people I've worked with. They got me flowers and signed a card. Tomorrow is the start to a new 

adventure!

Day 154 – (May 9) Of over 800 people interviewed, I am one of around 135 people selected for the Cabela's family. We were selected not just on our qualifications, but in our ability to uphold the Cabela's family standard, the brand's name, and our love for the outdoors. That's really humbling.

Day 155 – (May 10) Thankful for getting one of my guns cleaned.

Day 156 – (May 11) Thankful for catching up on The Blacklist

Day 157 – (May 12) Thankful that I am beginning to remember more of what is "In My Nature." Thanks Cabela's!

Day 158 – (May 13) Thankful that training is over and work will be start soon!

Day 159 – (May 14) Thankful for my patience (thought it started wearing very thin) after being on the phone with customer service for almost 2 and a half hours

Day 160 – (May 15) Thankful for trying something new. Vodka and Redbull!

Day 161 – (May 16) Thankful for an HOUR LONG lunch break. Wha?!

Day 162 – (May 17) Thankful for Brittany Yowell! Smart cookie graduating!

Day 163 – (May 18) Thankful for cookouts with friends!

Day 164 – (May 19) Thankful for my drive at work. Always working in top gear to be fast, prideful, and accurate.

Day 165 – (May 20) Thankful for my wife. She never gives up on her goals! So inspiring!

Day 166 – (May 21) Thankful for a new sketchbook. I know that I am not the most talented artist ever, but I still love to be creative. I cannot think of a better first drawing in my sketchbook than this #cabelas #itsinmynature #whatitsallabout

Day 167 – (May 22) Thankful for my ability to solve a Rubik's Cube. Video included.

Day 168 – (May 23) Today is pretty self explanatory. Thankful for rain!

Day 169 – (May 24) Thankful for being treated to a cookout at work and for spending an afternoon with Kenny Sprecher. Truly a great friend. I value his friendship deeply.

Day 170 – (May 25) Thankful for our little Coleman gas grill. It sure makes a fire!

Day 171 – (May 26) Thankful for it all this Memorial Day. Thankful for the fallen men and women, many I will never know, that gave up their lives so that I could be free. Thank you all for allowing me to celebrate this country's greatness because of your bravery!

Day 172 – (May 27) Thankful for my character trait of "helpful"

Day 173 – (May 28) Thankful for training modules ‪#‎nerd

Day 174 - (May 29) Thankful for knowing people who can fix a problem or knowing someone who knows someone who can fix a problem.

Day 175 - (May 30) Thankful for the confidence in my superior to leave me "in charge" for a day. The place didn't burn down, so that's a win.

Day 176 – (May 31) Thankful for the controlled and incredibly informative beginning to POS training ‪#‎lovelearning

Day 177 - (June 1) Thankful that the in-laws made it down safely

Day 178 – (June 2) Thankful for the incredible progress made in packing up our stuff.

Day 179 – (June 3) Thankful for some awesome help. Seriously couldn't have moved without you guys. Words really cannot express! Thank you thank you thank you!

Day 180 - (June 4) Thankful for Sydni Sprecher helping us move and all that she does to keep my wife sane.

Day 181 - (June 5) Thankful for Lori and Brad and letting us crash their anniversary. I offered to run into a pole and slice my face open like Nick but they vetoed that.

Day 182 - (June 6) Thankful for awesome Mexican food at Abuelo's Taqueria.

Day 183 - (June 7) Thankful for Running to Rescue and to support A21!

Day 184 - (June 8) Thankful for not being washed away or blown away with all of the wind, hail, and rain.

Day 185 - (June 9) Thankful for Cameron Nightingale, Mandy Pepper-Yowell, and Miles for getting our washer and dryer in the new apartment. Conveniently I had to "work."

Day 186 – (June 10) Thankful for getting my Cabela's work shirts today! They are running a little big on my lanky bones but I have them! I have my British Tan! It's like Christmas.

Day 187 - (June 11) Thankful that Dr. Pepper is like Holy Water in the Pepper-Yowell house.

Day 188 - (June 12) Thankful for more and more training. May be a bit overloaded with information, but I've never experienced this kind of detail and involvement to helping ME succeed at what I do.

Day 189 - (June 13) Thankful for a date night with Mandy! Delicious food and wine!

Day 190 - (June 14) Thankful to be able bodied and to help out Haley Hailey Baker and Thomas Wilson Ŧ with their new home.

Day 191 - (June 15) Thankful for Father's Day. Enough said.

Day 192 - (June 16) Thankful to be able to meet up with JD Harris since his work has brought him to less than an hour from Lubbock.

Day 193 - (June 17) Thankful for Star Trek. [startrek]

Day 194 - (June 18) Thankful for working for an amazing company. Also thankful for my own washer and dryer. It's amazing after three years of a terrible laundromat of how relieving it is to have our own. Never taking that for granted again.

Day 195 - (June 19) Thankful to be opening the doors to Cabela's Lubbock in one week!!!

Day 196 - (June 20) Thankful for a successful "smoke" test!

Day 197 - (June 21) Thankful for a bunch of people coming together on their day off to help with final touches.

Day 198 - (June 22) Thankful for a bunch of delicious homemade pizzas!

Day 199 - (June 23) Thankful for Audrey Yowell. It's her birthday! Happy Birthday mom! Thankful for helping some great friends out with some great deals tonight. Set some records in the West Texas store! Proud and Loud!

Day 200 - (June 24) Thankful for all of the people that came out for VIP night.

Day 201 - (June 25) Thankful for our first full day at the brand new store!

Day 202 - (June 26) Thankful for grand opening and getting to watch our own Kendra shoot the G/O ribbon!

Day 203 - (June 27) Thankful for paychecks with overtime. Should have some more of that coming up soon.

 Day 204 - (June 28) Thankful that I was on TV and did not cut off any fingers!

Day 205 - (June 29) Thankful for an evening with the wife watching TV and making dinner.

Day 206 - (June 30) Thankful for David Hudson and teaching me all kinds of cool things.

Day 207 - (July 1) Thankful for my dad! Happy Birthday you old man.

Day 208 - (July 2) Thankful for date night with the wife. Wine tasting, tacos, margaritas, froyo, and walking around the store together for the first time.

Day 209 - (July 3) Thankful for a teaching lesson on how to starch my shirts

Day 210 - (July 4) Thankful for my freedoms. I am thankful for America and everything that it provides for me, my family, my friends, my community, and the hope it gives to those that live in less fortunate countries around the world. Though I try to keep humble and boast in nothing, I realized that I fall short and I take many things for granted, including my freedom. I do not know what it is like to live without that freedom. On this Independence Day, I thank all of you that have served in the military, police, and uniformed services, past and present. Without your service my life would be different in ways that I cannot begin to understand.

My thankfulness and respect goes out to all of the servicemen and women who keep these borders safe every hour of every day. Though I was given a small taste of what that is like with my father serving 25+ years (28 I think), I know that I cannot repay what you have helped to provide me.

That being said, I do find it hard to honor some people on days like today. I respect your service and I will ALWAYS respect your service, but it does not give you the right to treat me like dirt. Your service does not give you a "act like an ass" card. My family, steeped in military service and tradition, taught me that a soldier is humble and thankful. You don't put your life on the line for a discount on your groceries or purchases. You do it because it is the right thing to do. Don't mix that up and get angry with someone because they do not provide a military discount. The sense of entitlement saddens me.

Do I believe that the VA and government needs to take better care of our veterans? Absolutely. But please remember that you are heroes, not gods. I don't want to trivialize what you have given all of us and please do not trivialize what we do to honor you. We still honor you with all of our hearts and minds. How arrogant it sounds to ask for more than that.

It amazes me how much my country has changed even in just the last few years. Bigger government, bigger taxes, bigger control. Sometimes it makes me wonder how we celebrate our freedom once a year and then the other 364 days focus on more laws, more regulations, and more control.

This year I have been noting what I am thankful for every day. I hope in doing so I learn a little bit about what is important to me and how to live out my freedoms to the fullest.

Thank you to everyone who have put on a uniform and protected my freedoms.

Day 211 - (July 5) Thankful for the end of the pay period. A fat check is going to be coming soon!

Day 212 - (July 6) Thankful for clean, starched, and pressed shirts and jeans.

Day 213 - (July 7) Thankful for the opportunity of real health insurance because of work. It's going to be weird going to the doctor again.

Day 214 - (July 8) Thankful for heart to hearts with the LG

Day 215 - (July 9) Thankful for Erin Elizabeth Potts and Taylor Potts. Happy Anniversary!

Day 216 - (July 10) Thankful for help from people more knowledgeable than me!

Day 217 - (July 11) Thankful for free Chick-fil-a, slurpees, and almost free doughnuts.

Day 218 - (July 12) Thankful for morning of fish. All I caught was a 4.5 inch baby catfish on my first cast of the day. Barely a nibble after that, but awesome still!

Day 219 - (July 13) Thankful for recognition. Helped customers with the most Kiosk orders last week so I got a duck call pin!

Day 220 - (July 14) Thankful for "living like no one else" so that later we can "live like no one else." It is always a good reminder for why Mandy and I do what we do.

Day 221 - (July 15) Thankful for my patience and my undying willingness to help people.

Day 222 - (July 16) Thankful that fishing is still fun even when you don't catch anything.

Day 223 - (July 17) Thankful for learning mad Tetris skills from Mandy Pepper-Yowell in order to fit everything in ISP.

Day 224 - (July 18) Thankful for a day to sleep in.

Day 225 - (July 19) Thankful for the weekend and successful grocery shopping.

Day 226 - (July 20) Thankful for Mandy finally being home!

Day 227 - (July 21) Thankful easy-going closing shifts.

Day 228 - (July 22) Thankful for people who are really appreciative when you do everything you can to get them what they wanted.

Day 229 - (July 23) Thankful for free pizza. It may have been frustrating to get the wrong pizza to start, but they made it right by providing us the correct one as well as free cheese sticks. I am thankful for people that make mistakes right and that I am not a person to take advantage of situations like that.

Day 230 - (July 24) Thankful for Mandy finishing her dissertation! Only a matter of time until she is Dr. Pepper!

Day 231 - (July 25) Thankful for my uncanny ability to dissolve heated situations. Not always the best at it, but it seems to be an increasing talent.

Day 232 - (July 26) Thankful for having enough food budget money for Oreos! ‪#‎letthecrackaddictionbegin

Day 233 - (July 27) Thankful for a short shift at work and an afternoon of playing video games.

Day 234 - (July 28) Thankful for my take action attitude. I don't always have the right focus, or miss things that need to be done, but I am thankful that I will do whatever it takes to keep the "machine" running smoothly.

Day 235 - (July 29) Thankful that three years ago two amazing people got married, Kenny and Sydni Sprecher. Also thankful that seven years ago I met this cool guy named Jesus because of an invitation from Justin Schielke, Jan Schielke, Jared Schielke, Jay Schielke, and Ronald Schielke.

Day 236 - (July 30th) Such a busy two weeks and I'm finally able to post. Thankful for Mandy and Kate to come home and visit!

Day 237 - (July 31st) Thankful for some answers on my plants. In two weeks I will be finding some lady bugs.

Day 238 - (August 1) Thankful to place my order for my shotgun! Dove and duck season, and 5 stand here I come.

Day 239 - (August 2) Thankful for a weekend off. I wonder how that happened!

Day 240 - (August 3) Thankful for church with family and small revelation about our future.

Day 241 - (August 4) Thankful that I found my hunter safety card.

Day 242 - (August 5) Thankful for showers. Such a thing that I take for granted.

Day 243 - (August 6) Thankful for Mandy Pepper-Yowell! She is now officially a Dr.!

Day 244 - (August 7) Thankful for a safe drive for family.

Day 245 - (August 8) Thankful for psychic paper. It gets me in and out of everywhere. WHOever I may be.

Day 246 - (August 9) Thankful for Dr. Pepper's graduation! Delicious food! Great day all around!

Day 247 - (August 10) Thankful for my uncanny ability to make people laugh.

Day 248 - (August 11) Thankful for a bit of rain this morning. However, that means my allergies are going to suck this week.

Day 249 - (August 12) Thankful for a big box of Kleenex.

Day 250 - (August 13) Thankful for Netflix. I can absorb myself into absolutely anything that I want. In my case that is either a documentary, BBC, or Star Trek related.

Day 251 – (August 14) Thankful for people coming together to help a widow.

Day 252 - (August 15) Thankful for hunting licenses to officially go on sale!

Day 253 - (August 16) Thankful for all of the people who come in to the store and share their outdoor stories.

Day 254 - (August 17) Thankful to have the means to donate clothes, school supplies, and other things to a child who lost everything in a fire.

Day 255 - (August 18) Thankful for Duck Dynasty. Always entertaining me!

Day 256 - (August 19) Thankful for mindless videos of Jimmy Fallon and Whose Line is It Anyway on Youtube.

Day 257 - (August 20) Thankful to have a little bit of time to start preparing for fantasy football. Still behind from where I want to be.

Day 258 - (August 21) Thankful for inspiration from Adam.

Day 259 - (August 22) Thankful for an afternoon and evening with Mandy Pepper-Yowell.

Day 260 - (August 23) Thankful for an early morning of fishing with David Hudson, gender reveal with Jennifer Fraley-Nowacek and Matthew Fraley-Nowacek, and a house warming party with Sydni Sprecher and Kenny Sprecher.

Day 261 - (August 24) Thankful for my first fantasy football draft of the season and getting to watch some SNF!

Day 262 - (August 25) Thankful for a delicious dinner from the wife. Amazing chicken, veggies, and garlic bread!

Day 263 - (August 26) Thankful for a new whiskey. Ole' No. 7 will always have a special place in my heart, but it is time to branch out. You're up Mr. Williams. Impress me. #whyamisayingwhatwhatway

Day 264 - (August 27) Thankful for small tokens of appreciation for all of my hard work.

Day 265 - (August 28) Thankful for finishing my ESPN FFL rankings!

Day 266 - (August 29) Thankful for a win from my CSU rams. Doesn't matter how we do the rest of the season as long as we beat CU. Rocky Mountain Showdown rivalry runs deep in my family.

Let me say this, I always try to stay humble in victory. My loyalties run as deep as anyone else. I love football as much as anyone else. At the end of the day, it is always just a game. It's a game I love, but it is a game.

I have been a diehard CSU fan since I enrolled in 2007. I have been watching the rivalry game as long as I can remember. This is the first year, in all of those years, where I can honestly say the Rams played football tonight. Usually it is luck, screw ups, and more luck. The Rams have always looked a bit disorganized and shaky. This year they looked solid, confident, and knew what they were doing.

This year we had a football game, not some rivalry game filled with cheap shots and lucky advantages on poorly executed plays. I know there are going to be comments like there are every year... missed penalties, unfair calling, whatever. This year CSU came to play. Well done Rams!

Day 267 - (August 30) Thankful for a blessing of resourcefulness and the graciousness of others to lend when in need.

Day 268 - (August 31) Thankful for my Cabela's family. They never cease to amaze, astound, impress, surprise, and inspire me. Thanks to all of you for everything you do to make my job amazing! From the front door to the warehouse, what an outstanding group of people.

Day 269 - (September 1) Thankful for labor day and the pictures flooding my FB with the opening of dove season!

Day 270 - (September 2) Thankful for help from others so that I can help others.

Day 271 - (September 3) Wow. Pretty speechless after Do Something at Trinity. Hold on everyone, we're in for a ride...John 14:18

Day 272 - (September 4) Thankful for a hot, delicious meal waiting for me on my dinner break made by Mandy Pepper-Yowell

Day 273 - (September 5) Thankful for Fun Friday! Doughnuts, colaches, football, free hats. Cabela's is awesome.

Day 274 - (September 6) Thankful for beautiful rainy weather!

Day 275 - (September 7) Thankful for traditional church services once in a while!

Day 276 - (September 8) Thankful for morning snuggle sessions.

Day 277 - (September 9) Thankful for grilled cheese sandwiches. It's the simple things.

Day 278 - (September 10) Thankful for two working legs. I walk a lot (sometimes 40 miles a week) and even though I am often sore, tired, and stiff, I'm thankful for the freedom of walking. A man in a wheelchair reminded me of that today.

Day 279 - (September 11) Thankful for all of our heroes. I can go into a long story about 9/11 and how it changed the world, but there is no need. I have no words to give other than, "Thank you."

Day 280 - (September 13) - Thankful that I can put food on the table. I often get frustrated by the amount of money in our food budget from week to week. It is not that we do not have enough, but we've set it up so that we buy what we need and put our "excess" towards other things. Soon we will loosen our restrictions. The grocery bill at the register will not be as much of a concern. I complain when I cannot buy a bag of chips. In reality, I have so much more than many others. Many others have more than me, that is also true, but we are living within our means, putting that money I was originally going to spend on oreos on something greater.

Day 281 - (September 14) Thankful that people come visit me at work!

Day 282 - (September 15) Thankful for watching football on rainy days.

Day 283 - (September 16) Thankful for starting back up Life Group.

Day 284 - (September 17) Thankful that Mandy Pepper-Yowell is home safe and sound...and for potato soup.

Day 285 - (September 20) Thankful for finishing fast tracks at church and an awesome birthday celebration with David Hudson

Day 286 - (September 21) Thankful for a lazy day around the house.

Day 287 - (September 22) Thankful for splurging on Arrow season two and the new premiere of The Blacklist.

Day 288 - (September 23) Thankful for being able to score free stuff by taking a bit of training. Can't wait for my soft sole inserts.

Day 289 - (September 24) Thankful for my friends making it home safe despite crazy flooding.

Day 290 - (September 25) Thankful for my ability to make decisions, but when I'm not comfortable I have to wisdom to know I'm in over my head.

Day 291 - (September 26) Thankful for Fun Friday and free doughnuts. Kolaches for the win.

Day 292 - (September 27) Thankful that I work for a company who takes their outfitter health very seriously. Morale is always a huge thing for a business. Everyone knows that the fastest way to my heart is through my stomach. Thankful for free pizza and snacks today.

Day 293 - (September 28) Thankful for the entertainment that is Matthew Fraley-Nowacek doing his touchdown dance...or jive...or strut...I'm not really sure what it's called but it involves cavorting around and gyration

Day 294 - (September 29) Thankful for the one year anniversary of Justin and Kelly. What an awesome wedding weekend y'all had. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world! It was a great weekend for everyone, but especially for me and my wife. We had an opportunity for re-connection as we entered into a new stage of our lives. All the time I wish we were closer, but everyday I am thankful for the impact this family has had on me and my future. Every time I open my study Bible and see "August 7, 2007" I smile and think of how different my life would be. Love you all!

Day 295 - (September 30) Thankful for a hard working young lady named Mandy Pepper-Yowell

Day 296 - (October 1) Thankful for an evening snuggling with cats. They're warm and lovable little fur balls.

Day 297 - (October 2) Thankful for the caffeinated magic of Dr. Pepper (the soda, not person).

Day 298 - (October 3) Thankful for winning a car decal in our Fun Friday game!

Day 299 - (October 4) Thankful that David Hudson is one of the few people behind me in certain TV shows, and I can finally be "that guy" to hassle him about spoilers.

Day 300 - (October 5) - Thankful for my relationship with Brittany Yowell. There are many times that I wish we were closer, but I am thankful that she turns to me when she needs things. She never hesitates to ask because she always knows I'm there to help her out!

Day 301 - (October 6) Thankful for being able to push through one more day of work before two days off!

Day 302 - (October 7) Thankful for wisdom of the meaning of hard work and financial peace.

Day 303 - (October 8) Thankful for an amazing day of dove hunting. I need a day like that to boost my spirits and refresh my soul.

Day 304 - (October 9) Thankful for whiskey and ginger. Justin Schielke got me hooked on these last year. So refreshing!

Day 305 - (October 10) Thankful to invite little baby Kalin in to this world. I couldn't be there in person, but I know that it was an amazing experience. I was having kind of a rough day and when I saw the picture in the hospital, things turned around. My heart is filled with joy and excitement for the Schielke family!

Day 306 - (October 11) Thankful that 26 years ago Justin Schielke was born! Best friend, best man, and best buddy ever. He'll also be the best dad (at least until I have kids, because then we'll share the title) Happy Birthday friend and happy first day of being a dad!

Day 307 - (October 12) Thankful for successful grocery shopping trips. $9 to spare!

Day 308 - (October 13) Thankful for the reminder that sometimes when you least expect someone to say yes, that is often when it's the easiest sell.

Day 309 - (October 14) Thankful for Voxer. It makes communicating with Mandy Pepper-Yowell SO much easier when our conversations are longer than a text message, but we are not available for a full phone call.

Day 310 - (October 15) Thankful for my grandfather's 86th birthday, Lori Pepper's multiple anniversary of her 25th birthday, and for the support of my friends when I'm having a rough time.

Day 311 - (October 16) Thankful for getting some much needed sleep, safe travels for Mandy Pepper-Yowell and WOW night. Them Mary Kay girls have got it together and always inspire me.

Day 312 - (October 17) Thankful that the person that was hospitalized in Lubbock does not have Ebola.

Day 313 - (October 18) Thankful that I know how to blow a duck call ‪#‎donaldduckcall ‪#‎deadduckcall ‪#‎sickduckcall ‪#‎maybetheduckwillcomeoverifhesanidiot

Day 314 - (October 19) Thankful for a much needed lunch with Kenny and Sydni!

Day 315 - (October 20) Thankful for clean dishes.

Day 316 - (October 21) Thankful for new ideas.

Day 317 - (October 22) Thankful to put my feet up for the rest of the evening.

Day 318 - (October 23) Thankful for a Broncos victory and getting some camo SUPER on sale!

Day 319 - (October 24) Thankful for fun Friday (we won even though the contest was CLEARLY RIGGED), free doughnuts, an autographed football, a wife to make dinner while I timed the DCR, and last but probably most important...Sydni Sprecher's birthday! Happy Birthday friend!!

Day 320 - (October 25) Thankful for an evening of fishing with David Hudson. Apparently he caught a fish, but I didn't see anything so I call shenanigans. I did get to practice my duck call for the mallards on the water. Also saw lots of big Canadian geese.

Day 321 - (October 26) Thankful for Mandy Pepper-Yowell doing a bunch of house work today so that I could just watch the games and take it easy.

Day 322 - (October 27) Thankful for FINALLY having a win in fantasy football!

Day 323 - (October 28) Thankful that 11 years ago I passed my board of review and became an Eagle Scout.

Day 324 - (October 29) Thankful for watching the World Series and eating a ton of carbs!

Day 325 - (October 30) Thankful that my camo finally came! Deer season here I come.

Day 326 - (October 31) Thankful for new glasses. Can't wait for them to come in! And 50 cent corn dogs at Sonic.

Day 327 - (November 1) Thankful for day two of my three days off!

Day 328 - (November 2) Thankful for pills that make my stomach/intestines feel better when they're having a rough day ‪#‎ibstroubles

Day 329 - (November 3) Thankful that I don't need the month of November and Thanksgiving to remember to be thankful! Going 325+ days strong.

Day 330 - (November 4) Thankful for voting and for free soda! That's all I really come for at our work functions that provide food.

Day 331 - (November 5) Thankful for Guy Fawkes! Remember, remember!

Day 332 - (November 6) Thankful that after a rough day, Jim Gaffigan can give me some laughs and make everything awesome! Also, thanks to my wife for making delicious breakfast burritos and cookies.

Day 333 - (November 7) Thankful for First Friday Art Trail and getting to see some of Adam Guerra and Justin Soto's work. That was pretty cool

Day 334 - (November 8) Thankful for decent data entry skills. I had not idea how often those would come in handy.

Day 335 - (November 9) Thankful for having some car knowledge as well as helping out some ladies making "life books" for foster kids.

Day 336 - (November 10) Thankful Mandy's Mary Kay events. They are always incredibly inspiring and uplifting.

Day 337 - (November 11) Thankful for cold weather, roaring fireplaces, hot chocolate, Matthew and Jennifer and our Life Group, and last but certainly not least, our veterans. A lot to be thankful for on Armistice Day. The freedoms I have to do pretty much whatever I want with my life is something that I take for granted everyday. Thank you to people like my dad (who I guess is officially a veteran now), my friends, and my family for writing a blank check to the United States of America. To those who have served or are serving, lives lost, deaths forgotten, and all of the families in between...thank you. All of you. Thank you!

Day 338 - (November 12) Thankful for my brother's ridiculously long text messages. Everything ends with an exclamation point! Everything is always so exciting

Day 339 - (November 13) Thankful for the start of a new journal. We'll see how it goes!

Day 340 - (November 14) Thankful for Fridays that are actually Fridays!

Day 341 - (November 15) Thankful for foster baby sitting training and getting to post some of my thoughts on our blog.

Day 342 - (November 16) Thankful for the first snow off the season!

Day 343 - (November 17) Thankful for good deals on Woodchuck and wine.

...oh and Kate's birthday

Day 344 - (November 18) Thankful for Mandy cutting my hair. No one does it quite so well.

Day 345 - (November 19) Thankful for pedometers. They help remind me that my 25-40 miles of walking at work every week isn't just all in my head.

Day 346 - (November 20) Thankful for a great morning meeting with Pastor Tommy.

Day 347- (November 21) Thankful for phones apps that help you track your hours. Being responsible with the money you spend starts with being on top of the money you make.

Day 348 - (November 22) Thankful for safe travels for my family as well as my in-laws.

Day 349 - (November 23) Thankful for Rosa's tortillas and tacos.

Day 350 - (November 24) Thankful for ordering a new pair of much needed shoes!

Now…for those of you playing at home, doing the math in your head, and seeing that I’ve missed a few days. It’s not really that I’ve missed them, but I just got off on my countdown. That’s easy to do in 365 days!

Day 351 – (February 21) Thankful for Jimmy Fallon’s editing team, making videos of Brian Williams rapping.

Day 352 – (April 23) Thankful that NFL season starts in 134 days! ‪#‎hurryup

Day 353 – (September 12) Thankful for sleeping in late and getting a bit of recovery on my day off.

Day 354 – (September 18) Thankful that 29 years ago Mandy Pepper-Yowell was born!

Day 355 – (September 19) Thankful for delicious French Dip sandwiches and free doughnuts to take to people at work.

Day 356 - (November 25) Thankful for all of the people saying Happy Thanksgiving at work. Maybe I've never noticed it before, but it has seemed more prevalent this year!

Day 357 – (November 26) Thankful for getting some wood pallets to break apart and make into some cool things.

Day 358 – (November 27) Today is Thanksgiving, a day of thankfulness, but in reality everyday is a day of thankfulness. Almost a year has gone by of being intentional of what I have to be thankful for, sometimes requiring my to be very introspective.

Unfortunately the attitude of many, many people is that "thankfulness" is a once a year kind of thing on some holiday where we eat turkey and too much bread. What is even more unfortunate? A lot of people are not even truly thankful on a holiday dedicated to being thankful. I remember a customer coming in to Sprouts last year the week of Thanksgiving and I asked if she had any big plans. She said that it was a stupid holiday filled with gluttonous hypocrites who serve only themselves and are thankful for things that are truly meaningless. That breaks my heart. We aren't all like that. 

Today, I am thankful for my current employer, Cabela's. Today I not only get the day off, but it is a paid day off. I have been watching commericals for different retailers showing what times they will open on Thanksgiving day and our direct competitor, Gander Mountain, blew everyone out of the water. They were open at 8am Thanksgiving morning.

I was starting to complain about being to work at 3:30am for black friday...I have nothing to complain about!

Day 359 – (November 28) Thankful for a successful Black Friday at the store. Crazy, crazy morning, but things went well and people were in great moods. Giving them hot chocolate and s'mores before we opened sure helps!

Day 360 – (November 29) Thankful for movies with the in-laws. White House Down and White Christmas.

Day 361 – (November 30) Thankful a new pillow. Still getting used to it, but I'm hoping that it will help my neck/back!

Day 362 – (December 1) Thankful for already having some boxes of .243 and not having to buy any for hunting or sighting in this week.

Day 363 - (December 2) Thankful for when district big wigs know my name and who I am without looking at my nametag!

Day 364 – (December 3) Thankful for confirming the zero on my hunting rifle and getting to shoot off a few rounds.

Day 365 – (December 4) So, today is the day. One year later. One year of posting something that I am thankful for and I'm going to be honest, figuring out what this last thankful would be was difficult. Jerry Minson made the point that it had better be good!
I've been thinking about it all week. What is it that encompasses this entire year's worth of posts that is not too cheesy, mundane, or overly repeated. I was actually a bit worried about it as I was driving out to hunt this morning. But 5am, by yourself, on a dark morning, on country roads, sure makes you think.

So here it is. The end all, be all, as it were. After looking back over an entire year of thankfulness, today I am thankful for life.
Even after being reflective on all that I have been blessed with on a daily basis, I still take so many things for granted. Shoes, coats, a job, a roof, top ramen. Though I often get discouraged when there is not "enough" money in my pocketbook, or not "enough" food in the pantry, this has been such an eye-opening experience. I have been blessed with this amazing thing called LIFE, and what a life I have.
Looking back over the last year (and years before that)...wow! How my life has changed. How my attitude has changed. Last year at this time, my heart broke for the people coming into my new job that hated the holiday season. I didn't want to be like that. Two years ago, I was complaining about my water being shut off (again) for maintenance, our milk going sour, and my frustration with a sports analyst who made an anti-gun comment in regards to suicide prevention. Three years I was trying to find ways to make more money because my job wasn't making ends meet. Seven years ago I hated my life all together. I was a cynical, sarcastic, and down-trodden person.
I've always been a huge proponent of self-reflection and introspection and in looking back on this year, still all that I can say is wow. In our home, we've given more because we've realized how much we've been given. We've been more patient because we've realized how much "better" we have things. We've been more trusting. We've been more understanding. We've been more willing to help out. A simple change in attitude and purpose can change the world. I've never really believed that until now.
Day 365...Thank you for this life!